Wednesday, 17 February 2010

Post Three.

I had the stitches out last week... And by hell that hurt. The Doctor had done tests on the tissue which was removed from my breast and it had no abnormalities... NO CANCER! :) SCORE!
It's still sore as fuck and my breast looks like I've had some sort zombie surgery. But the scarring will go down in time but I'm guessing the way they had to cut into it I will have some... But it will all be worth it in the end :)
Hopefully I will be able to start wearing a bra again next week which means I will have to go and get measured properly for the first time! Pretty weird not really ever knowing your real bra size. Also pretty nervous about some random lady going near my breasts.
I have an appointment to see the surgeon again at the end of March to see how I'm doing and to sort the rest of the surgeries out which I'm looking forward to as I will be able to begin to plan ahead rather than basing my life around having these operations. Last week was the first week I've been out since the operation it's great to be able to go and do stuff and see people instead of being stuck in bed. Thanks to everyone I have seen out who have been really supportive of this blog and everything. It makes this whole thing worth while and it's nice to see people willing to come together to do some good.

On this Friday 19th Feb @ 9pm on Channel 4 there is a program called Embarrassing Bodies which has an episode dedicated to Poland's syndrome. It will be featuring a male who has this syndrome so if you can check it out, record it on your sky plus or whatever.... please do so!

The website for the show you may be able to find out some more info on there, I've seen this program before some of it can be pretty graphic but it may help you if you feel you have any 'embarrassing illnesses'

So I'm starting to sort out the fund raising show I will be putting on. The name of the show will be called 'Riffs For Racks'. Through the up and coming months there will be more details to follow... A date will be set once I have a date for my final operation.

If you want to help out in anyway... venues, promotion, bands who want to play drop me an email @

Mucho Love to all


Monday, 1 February 2010

Post Two.

Firstly I would like to thank you all for all the messages and comments I have been receiving about this blog, it means allot to me. The Codeine has spun me out for the last few days and I have been in a lot of pain, but today I'm feeling allot better but I'm still house bound until the end of the week... being stuck in drives me INSANE. There is a big world outside and I want to be involved in it!

I do have to say... I'm no hero, I'm no victim... I don't play either of those parts well. Whatever shit things happen to you you have to always remember there is someone who is a zillion times worse off than you and sometimes you need to take a look around, pay attention and help them. If I come across preachy I apologise as there is nothing worse than people preaching on you to be a better person blah blah its not about that it's about being the best person YOU want to be. I wanted to share my experiences with you in the hope some good will come out of it.

My reasons behind this blog was to create awareness of this condition and to raise some money for the clinic and for the patients whom are undergoing a similar situation. I've come up with a few ideas to raise some money. Firstly I will be putting on a show, with all the money raised it will be donated to the charities and clinic in regards to Poland's syndrome as well as breast care. I'm working out all the stuff that go's along with that at the moment... If you want to help in anyway with this or if you're a band that wants to play please email me at

One show in ways I don't think its enough. It's fine me saying 'I want to help' I could put on a show raise a bunch of money then go back feeling 'satified' that I have helped in a small way. I would not get ANY satisfaction from that... The show I want to put on I want to make an annual thing so once a year we can all get together & have a good time for a good cause.

If you want to help, pay to come to the show and party!

I have my stitches and my bandages removed on Thursday which in ways I'm nervous about as One Its gonna cane Two I find out about the rest of the surgeries I will be undergoing THREE IT'S GONNA FUCKING CANE.

Four? Seeing the 70's year olds pussy again... I've been having nightmares about that shit... fingers cross shes not there.

Anyways enough of me always talking shit... until the next post... Enjoy yourselves.


Wednesday, 27 January 2010

One And A Half Breasts

So people may have wondered what all my status updates I have been posting on Facebook about. Instead of replying to every message I decided to put it in a blog so its open for all to read it.

My main purpose of this blog is to create awareness of the "condition" I have and to give other people the confidence to go and see a doctor if you feel you have this too. It took me years to pluck up the courage and it was on my mind every day for years the amount of times I walked into the doctors meaning to tell someone but I chickened out as I was too embarrassed by my problem.

The condition I'm talking about is Poland's Syndrome.

Yes so I've got Poland's Syndrome. Most of you will be unaware of what this is you can go on to educate yourselves a bit further.

Poland's Syndrome is a one-sided malformation of the chest muscle and hand.

Poland's Syndrome can come in many shapes or forms and its more common in men than in females.

So what did it mean for me? My right breast has been absent ever since I developed as a teenager.

Every female has one breast bigger than the other that is completely normal but when one breast is absent not so normal - so basically its a growth defect. It's something you are born with but its not noticeable in women until they have developed.

The cause of the syndrome is unknown and I'm lucky I don't have hypoplasia of the hand or webbed feet as this is mainly only common males who have this "syndrome"... You can check if you like?

There are properly a few people laughing at this by now, Don't worry I have already had my laughs about this its a pretty funny 'syndrome' to have. My right fingers and hand is also slightly smaller. A famous person names 'Jermery Beadle" also suffered from this.I hope you are laughing by now as I am. I have come up with an array of jokes about this 'Me, Myself and half a breast' and many more. Feel free to contact me with any more.

But in reality this isn't really a joke... If your a male reading this... imagine growing up with one ball? Not a nice thought really.

Breasts are what helps define femininity and for years I've felt ashamed of myself and been depressed about it. I've felt like half of the woman I should be. (no pun intended)

I could never go into shops to buy bras and don't even know my real bra size. There is only so many chicken fillets I can shove down in one side of my breast to make it appear normal on the outside.

I couldn't bare to look at myself in the mirror or even touch my own breasts. Which was bad as I had never checked my breasts for cancerous lumps. Once I had plucked up the courage to go to doctors they sent me to a breast cancer specialist who carried out some checks and tests on me and gave me the all clear. Phew.

But for years I could have had cancerous lumps and I would have never known. So ladies make sure you check your breasts regually if you find anything just go to the doctors and get it checked out. It's better to be safe than sorry.

This condition has effected me mentally. I've hated myself for years. I've never cared what anyone else thinks of me but the worst kind of hate is self hatred.

After months of going back and forth from seeing a breast specialist they deiced the only way to help me was reconstructive surgery.

So yesterday I underwent my first operation to remove part of my "good breast" and lift it. The weird thought of someone chopping part of my breast out and wasn't something I was too happy about as I already have a half a breast why would I want one more? But its the way for me to move forward to have the rest of my operations carried out.

The operation went fine they gave me plenty of my friend called morphine and there was an array of handsome doctors helping me. I was in a lot of pain and of course the shock of when you see half your breast has gone is quite unpleasant but its more in proportion to my other breast so my chest is starting to shape up :)

The worst part of it was when they moved me into my bed I was in front of this old lady, bless her cotton socks who repeatedly keep on shitting and pissing in front of me there's somethings you don't want to see when your doped up and in pain and 70 year old pussy is one of them.

The doctor came down to check on me and said I just needed my bandages removed it cleaned and some waterproof ones put on then I would be discharged. Wow for the first time in my life a felt positive about my breasts.

The doctor left and the nurse came in, she looked pretty nervous and she said she had never changed bandages for this type of surgery before so she was just going to put bandages over the ones i had already on. Great. As she started to do it she asked for my help she knocked something on my breast and it started pissing out with blood. She didn't know what to do and I was sitting there with blood poring down my stomach this of course sent me into a panic and my poor mother. She tried to get hold of a doctor and all i remember her saying is that he will be here in a minuet. Luckily I was doped up on loads of drugs otherwise I think I would have had a heart attack. At one point i coughed and blood squirted out in front of me. Nice.

So after my mother had argued with a few people on getting someone down to see me about half an hour later one of breast surgeons came down to help me. He stopped the bleeding and bandaged me up properly said I could be discharged or stay the night to make sure I would be alright. As I hate hospitals I was not going to be there a moment longer.

So I'm home now, in a lot pain and feeling like half the woman I was if that was possible. I get the stitches out next Thursday and I should be completely fine apparently I will go through this whole depressed thing but that's mainly due to the anesthesic and the drugs they have given me.

After that I will be going back in four weeks to sort out the rest of the surgery's needed. I will be having implants in both breasts and on my defective breast it will be lowered down so the implants sit in place. This will be done in about three months.

The idea of having such an alien object inside of me is weird and it makes me nervous. I'm not the biggest fan of fake breasts but if its going to make me live some what of a more normal life I'm all for it.

Once I am recovered from all of this I want to do a fundraiser in form of a show to gain awareness of this condition and for other breast related illnesses if you want to help in any way please get in contact.

The money I will raise from this I want it to go to the breast clinic who has been looking after me. They deal with alot of reconstructive surgery's for breast cancer patients and for people with grown defects like myself.

I'm not looking for sympathy the people I care about are here for me I want to raise awareness and to help people who have anything similar.

I will keep you posted on my operations as I'm sure there is going to be some high and lows, But in the end is all going to be fabulous and my breasts will look great :)

All I ask for you is to post this around on your Facewanks, Myspaz's, blogs ect to create awareness.

I'm heading back to bed now as I have a hot date with some DVD's, Orange Juice and some Chocolate. Rock and Roll.

Much Love